1.5 years

Time seems to carry on without permission still. Despite the wonderful people in my life, I miss my husband every single day and cannot imagine the rest of my life without him by my side. I still want to tell him stories about the day, introduce him to the new people that bring happiness to my days, and hold him tight. 

No one knows me or loves me the way he did. …Maybe now it is because I don’t know who I am myself, or because I don’t let them, or my expectations are too high, … I don’t know. I am trying to make new memories and attract happiness into my life and question if it’ll ever be close to the happiness I shared with him everyday. 

543… Missing my Mister

Positive feedback of ‘you’re getting through the days and learning to live with always missing him’ doesn’t sound overly positive… In a sense it is, because there’s no way I could survive like the first months for years on end… Though continually missing your One And Only each and every day without being able to reach out to them in any way remains excrutiating. Our house and my arms are still awaiting his imaginary return from beyond where we can continue the beautiful life we shared. 

‘How do you do this?’ … I think we all question one another of how it’s done while we, ourselves, stumble along, not realizing everyone else is stumbling too. 

I go through moments where I think I know who I am, but the fact remains that I am still broken and without my most favourite piece; I am not sure I will ever find myself again. 

Missing you constantly, every day and every night. Always yours mykylyhyswy

Swiss Cheese Memory

Wrote this a while ago but it didn’t publish for some reason…
Remember in the horrible early days where you couldn’t remember a thing, even 10 seconds later? …oh yes, despite that those days have been hiding for a wee while, they will be back. And as grief functions, when you least expect it. 

This week I’ve been forgetting everything left, right, and centre. I cannot even count the number of things (because let’s face it, I’ve likely forgotten yet again!). It’s throwing me off kilter when I’m already unbalanced to begin with. 

But… One day at a time… We all know the worst, so being forgetful isn’t so bad – just frustrating in the moment. 

Here’s to less Swiss cheese next week…