I’ve reached an awkward place that I never thought I would reach. I can remember crying of never wanting to reach this place, yet being here is, in a way, comforting.
I have grown accustomed to waking up alone… To not speaking with anyone for much of the day… To making dinners for one more easily… To not going out on date nights… To shopping solo…
On one hand, I don’t want to be in this place because it sounds as though I am ‘accepting’ that my Love has departed this world – something that I do not want to accept as a reality – his death is simply unfathomable… And on the other, it is appreciated to not have the unbearably excruciating pain every day of being left in this world without his presence.
I love him and miss him with all my heart and soul; that will never stop. In the meantime, I sit in this awkward place that sounds (and is!) so lonely, yet now with an odd component of comfort.