Day 184: 6 Months

Officially half a year has now passed since my husband passed.

Two friends responded with “time flies!”…. I wouldn’t say the time flew. Every moment excruciating. Just trying to make it through to the next minute, hour, day, for god knows what… seemingly for another excruciating moment to do the same.

So much has changed. So much remains the same. I still feel broken and don’t know where the pieces go; only Mark could put them where they belong… only he knows the depths of my heart.

I have been trying to be open to positive moments, as few or far as they may be… I need some in my days. It still feels wrong to have any positive moments, to smile, or even laugh without Mark physically with me… But the darkness is too much to handle. And it is thick.

I spend much of my time alone, I watch a lot of tv, and I play a lot of mindless games to stay occupied. I find myself randomly speaking with people when I go out, just for contact… I have become one of those…

Where do we go from here.

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