Day 129: Bland

“How are you feeling today — just today” … It’s what my counsellor asks me first, each time I arrive for my appointment. Despite the consistency, it still catches off guard. What am I feeling? Shitty, alone, depressed, devastated, empty… There are so many shades of shit adjectives to choose from, yet I never quite know how to answer it. Today, however, I thought about it on my drive there… All the typical words still apply, but what word would depict it more clearly today.

… Bland …

Yes that’s fitting. Utterly and completely bland. Here I am, with no spice, no excitement, no joy, no zing… Hell there’s not even salt or pepper on me. I am here… a big lump of mushy bland tasteless mashed potatoes — likely made from powder to boot – not even a proper potato. I am missing the most crucial bits to be considered a whole. I am missing everything that makes it what it is. I am missing the happiness that pulls it all together. I am missing Mark with every breath my body continues to (somehow) take.

Now that I’ve crawled back in my wallowing hole, he welcomes me in for my appointment and asks, “so how’s today going for you?” …

Go figure.

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