For 100 days, people have been telling me they will do whatever they can do to help, just let them know how… that they will be available at any hour of the day or night…
No they’re not… And no they won’t. Today when I approached someone who would “do anything to help; anything, anytime!” to assist with a task that would be personally difficult, but not for someone outside the situation. …No… He wouldn’t assist… but he’ll still do “anything, anytime” if it so suits him.
After being disappointed once again, I decided that the best solution for me is to just go it alone. Who needs them. “Fuck them all!” I already lost the one person I needed, my all-time favourite everything, my husband.
As I stewed in anger at each of these disappointing individuals, I suddenly realized what would be helpful…what truly is needed from others…
To be a friend. It’s that simple. Not a sunny-day friend; I have learned that I have many of those…but a rainy day friend, which is certainly harder to come by, and clearly everyday is a rainy day right now.
– Speak to me; speak to me about Mark (use his name!), speak to me about the day, speak to me about normal things.
– Randomly message me; I go for hours being upset; it’s nice to know someone cares.
– Don’t treat me like a communicable disease! I am still a person… I am just half a person at the moment.
– When you make a commitment, keep it! Don’t cancel last minute!
– Sit with me. Cry with me. Listen. Don’t lecture me or tell me how you think I should feel.
– Be honest.
– Be a friend who truly cares!
It seems odd to have such an epiphany over something so very simple. …A friend…a rainy-day friend. Now that I have determined this, I can see who have been my rainy day friends…there are only two. But I thank them for standing by when no one could, for reaching out when no one would, and for treating me as they would want if faced with the same situation.