Day 10: Past, present, and future

Ten days since I got to kiss your sweet lips, hold your warm hand, squeeze you tight, dance and laugh with you, sing, and smile. I miss you immensely and it’s cruel to wake up each day to your side of the bed being cold and empty, and not hearing your sweet voice telling me you love me.

I love you with all my heart and soul. When you passed away, I did too. Yet somehow we are in two different worlds. I hate that words spoken of you are in the past tense. You are my past, my present, and my future, the love of my life, my one and only.

I am terrified to continue on without you and yet know I have no choice. People say it will get better with time… Time… The one thing we didn’t get enough of is now taunting us.

Yesterday I walked through the memorial grounds and saw the many graves of loving married couples. The wives lived for so many years beyond their mates… How… How can anyone ‘move on’, ‘carry on’, or even live… But then who am I kidding; this isn’t living. Screaming, crying, dry heaving, and curling up on the floor is not living.

I miss you, I love you, I miss you, I love you. A zillion times over, every moment of every day.

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